Day Brighteners
Smart Engineers
Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accounts each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket. “How are three people going to travel on one ticket?” asked the accountant. “Watch and see”, answered an engineer.
They all boarded the train. The accounts took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a restroom and closed the door behind them. Shortly the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said “Ticket please”.
The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.
The accountant saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers and the return trip and save money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn’t buy a ticket at all.
“How are you going to ride without a ticket”? said one perplexed accountant.
“Watch and see”, answered an engineer.
When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into the restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly thereafter, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where they accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, “Ticket, please.”
What’s up Doc!
A mechanic was removing cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and look at this bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask a question?”
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So, Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix ‘em, put ’em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
“Try doing it with the engine running.”
Animal World
Sex in the animal world!
A small perch-like fish of central Europe lays its eggs and sperm in clams. The clams in turn, clamp onto passing fish and become worms under their skin. The male is not stimulated by the sight of the female; he produces sperm when he sees the clam.
Male anglerfish grab females shortly after they hatch and never let go. The skin of the growing female spreads over the male, her blood vessels connect with his, his mouth disappears, until he becomes a small sex appendage whose only function is to fertilize her eggs.
The male salamander keeps watch for a female taking a stroll, then he dashes in front of her and saunters along, dropping packets of sperm in her path. She either walks over them or picks them up and puts them in her cloaca.
Male garter snakes gently rub their chins along their females back.
Male Physalemus frogs in Central America have a dilemma. At mating time, they have to sing lustily to attract a mate. However, if they sing too loud, they attract the Trachops cirrhosus bat, which likes to eat them.
Male bees attract females by taking on the scent of orchids.
The baya bird of India adds lightning bugs to his nest, illuminating his home.
The mating of alligators is a delicate operation. The female takes the initiative by nuzzling the male and climbing all over him. They stroke each other’s head, blow bubbles at each other, and cough politely. The act itself entails a lot of maneuvering, until the male is in position at right angles to the female alligator. They tend to look like mating Swiss Army knives.
The common male crab spider lassoes his mate, one foot at a time, until all eight legs are safely tied down. He then spins lines across her abdomen, back, and head before finally mating.
The male Nephila orb-weaving spider weighs a thousand times less that the female. He is so near to nonexistent, he can crawl all over her and leave sperm in her pocket without ever attracting her attention.
The male of some spiders courts the female by waving his conspicuously banded appendages. She is induced to go into a trance-like state during which he safely mates with her.
The male tarantula wanders in a near-blind state in search for a mate. If he bumps into a female, he beats her with his four front feet. When she rears to retaliate, he clutches her fangs with special claws, drums on her abdomen, and mates.
The male loligo, a kind of squid, mates with a blow to the chin.
Male narwhals may use their single “unicorn” tusk as a lance to duel over females.